And it goes on and on and on....

Sometimes I really do not like this country at all, at times like now I could be tempted to use the word despise. I know I am supposed to be all patriotic and sing 'blessings on the land that I love" and believe me I do but not out of love rather out of the mere fact that we NEED all the blessing we can get in this country. The reasons may be different but we may need even more blessing in this country than a lot of others.

I say all this because I do not believe that we really have freedom. Not because of the our government but because of how our society 'rolls'. Yes we get to vote but we live in a society where so much (almost ALL) of our lives are governed by all the institutions we as a country and the people who guide it have set up. I guess I should really say I love this country and despise this society. I will get into exactly what I am so riled up about momentarily but for now I will tell you what I think might be nice...

I would like to live somewhere that I could live a lot more simply. Maybe we would have a farm and just sustain ourselves, or simple would be living in a developing nation where the store was just a walk away, or maybe that would just be my husband working a nine to five job. I really don't know because the only life I have is the one I lead. Do not get me wrong I LOVE my life and my wonderful little family. But currently I would like to transplant my life outside of this rat race.

In this country today so many individuals are living trying to get out of mounting debt, and still creating it in the process. I pray we will be out of this cycle shortly but that does not get all the other Americans or our country out of it, so when we are debt free we will continue to live in a society that is blinded by debt. All of us are trying to pay off some medical bills, I can guarantee, because insurance is such a problem and the medical world is so expensive. This country and its people are all about the dollar, from those taking advantage of welfare to those suing others to gain more. We all feel entitled and think every one owes us. Really people. When will we all figure out that the state of our lives is only what we make it or have made of it. No one owes except us.

A lot of days happiness is a choice to be made, and today I am trying to chose happy.

All that said I need some ibuprofen.

blessings, birds, and books.

So this is going to be quite random but just stay with me.

blessings...

I was having a rough day a few days ago. I had been praying throughout the day and at one point, while peeing I amy add :) I asked to be given a scripture that applied to what I was feeling and going through. I am going to preface this before I go on- I have asked God to "give" or "show" me a scripture before and one will come into my head. So I go read it and it has always seemed that it was not at all pertaining to what was going on, each time I felt I had come up with the scripture and God had given me nothing. I am sure this was due to me not listening and instead thinking, and also not trusting that God is capable of giving and I am capable receiving. So back to the other day- as I was peeing a prayed yet again for a scripture. Psalms and then 15 seemed to pop into my head. so after I laid Tatum down I opened up my Precious Moments Bible from my childhood and read. Chapter 15 helped and then the ones to come after filled my heart with exactly what it needed even more than 15th chapter of Psalms did.

The one verse that has stuck in my head and I have been repeating each time I become frustrated or stressed yet again is this "Preserve me O God for in you I put my trust"

There was so much else. But that has been on repeat in my head and heart.

All that to say I felt so blessed and amazed. I feel and felt like I had accomplished something in my walk that is so big and true testament to the relationship I am in with Him. I feel so fulfilled and grown. I have what it takes to listen and receive! Hallelujah! I knew I did but letting all go and allowing it to happen is amazing! I have come a long way just this week! Wonder what id in store for next week!

next...birds.

I was watching the birds outside my window as I was trying to catch some shut eye while Tatum was napping since she is currently waking up all night long. There was a male and a female bird bouncing around in the drizzle looking for food and instead of sleeping I started thinking-

Why did God make the male birds pretty and the female birds so plain? One wold think it would be the other way around. I think I figured it out. It seems to me that most of the animal kingdom the male is the one trying, vying for attention from the other sex. Examples: Male birds are more colorful and beautiful, deers in rut fight for a doe's affection. Other Males animals do this fighting as well. So my conclusion is that Gods intention in all creation was for the Male to do all the work. Hear me out.

I don't think it was God's desire for us females to feel like we need to dress a certain, be a certain size, show a little skin, flirt, flash a smile, flutter our eyelids, ----basically throw ourselves all over the men we want. No it was not. It was God's desire these men to pursue us, wholeheartedly, fight for us, dress nice for us.

My wonderful husband pursued me for a while and it was the most wonderful feeling (I will say I kinda took advantage of it :) ) Once the race is one by the men, then women should step up and be seductive and dress to impress their winner of a husband. I dont mean to sound over the top because I am not. What I am saying is men should be the pursuers and women should stop throwing themselves out there like pieces of meat so much. Take a lesson from the birds.

books.

I go back to school next week and part of me is dreading it and another part of me is excited. Pray for me as I juggle school, wife, mother duties. It is going to be a long road ahead.